Priscilla Lee

Priscilla Lee

3 Ways to Say No – Drawing your Boundaries

By priscillalee | July 25, 2015 | 0 Comment

For any healthy relationship, setting boundaries are very important. Everyone needs space to breathe and when we fail to set limits to our relationships, we tend to do more harm than good. Many of us do not want to be labeled as selfish and rude for saying no and boundary setting may be a challenging task.

Here are the top 3 ways you can set boundaries effectively and say no without guilt –

  • The first step to a healthy boundary is to identify what you want and stick to it, no matter what others may feel about it. You need to be able to hone your feeling and respect them. Many people wonder if they deserve to set boundaries in their relationships. However, boundaries are also a sign of self-respect and you need to give yourself permission to set them and be able to preserve them.
  • Creating boundaries is not enough; you need to be firm on what you have decided. Be clear and direct about what you want and do not apologize or feel the need to justify for the boundary you are setting. Do not expect others to be mind readers and ensure that you clearly communicate with them about your boundaries and how you can address them together, if they are crossed.
  • Developing healthy boundaries in relationships doesn’t happen overnight. It is a process that requires the willingness to work towards it and be able to say no without any hard feelings. Be calm and polite when you want to refuse something you are not comfortable doing.

Remember that setting boundaries is a skill that everyone can learn with a little courage and practice. In the end, you need to be respectful and kind to yourself first before you can keep others happy. The secret to ensuring your relationships are not affected by these boundaries you set, is by ensuring that boundaries are made clear from the start, and communication is KEY!

Priscilla Lee Motivational Poster stay calm drink coffee

Imagine a scenario where you have issues with people using your comb, you just moved in with your partner and he starts using your comb, towel and even toothbrush whenever he feels like it! *gasp* You might feel uncomfortable telling him straight, after all you guys just started dating and you don’t want him to feel rejection from you, so you keep quiet about it. After 6 months, you had your first major fight, and in the moment of anger you burst out “I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU USING MY THINGS WITHOUT PERMISSION!!!”. How do you think your partner will feel? If it was never communicated to him directly that he has crossed your boundary, but for him to find out in such a rude and shocking manner, he will be angry as well. “But I hinted to him!” – again, we are not mind readers and not all of us are good at catching hints! Be direct, be firm but be nice about it! “Hey darling, could you not use my comb next time? I’ll get one for you if you like it :)” 

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